Group Pizza Orders Suck

Ordering Pizza as a group like in an office environment or at a gathering of some sort has got to be one of the worst ideas ever. It used to be that you'd have your mom call up Domino's and order up a bunch of pepperoni pizzas. Then you and your buddies would scarf it down and get back to watching Real Genius and pretend that you too could be a cool nerd like Val instead of just a nerd.

Now your friends don't eat meat cause they live in Bend. Not sure why all of the sudden living in Bend means you have to carry multiple frisbees in a bag wherever you go, have at least 2 dogs, drive a Subaru, drink only microbrews with at least 7.8 %ABV Hope/Grain Frag Units, and eat way too many vegetables.

My point is, I'm not chipping in $10 for a group order of pizzas when you're there. You don't eat pizza. You are eating salad on a flatbread with a damn pesto dressing. I want pork products, cheese, tomato sauce like any red blooded American.

You will say (in a high pitch girly voice while picking grass clippings out of your sandals) "Lets get a Large roasted rosemary potatoes, roasted onions, roasted garlic, mozzarella & ricotta cheeses on a garlic/olive oil base and then a Large grilled portabella mushrooms, sun-dried tomatoes, artichoke hearts, fresh garlic and mozzarella /parmesan cheeses on a blend of basil pesto tomato sauce" (both available from Pizza Mondo btw).

BUT, when the pizzas arrive, what do you do? You and all your wanna be health nut friends take at least one slice of the only pepperoni BEFORE you fill up on the stupid pie. EVERY TIME there is a bunch of pizzas, which pizza has slices left over when everyone is done? THE DAMN VEGETARIAN ONE DOES!!! ARRRGHCHCKSJDdfksajhf $&%*#!!!

Oh but if I say anything, then I'm the dick.

Pizza in Bend Oregon

Brother Jon's - Bend Oregon

Brother Jon's

I've gushed over Brother Jon's in the past but that was just about their regular menu. Lately I've been all over their specials. I love showing up and seeing whats on the big chalk board for that day. I haven't been disappointed yet. Brother Jon's is my favorite restaurant/hangout in Bend right now. Everything is great and its all priced right. Specials are normally right at $8.50 or $9 and is a solid meal every time.

I normally will try to go for lunch once a week and if I don't, I start to get the shakes. Once on a Monday I was fortunate enough that they were offering the dinner special at lunch - Pork Verde. Amazing! I can't stop talking about it to my friends. Chunks of super tender pork swimming in a bowl of spicy verde and served with rice and a bowl of soupy black beans and tortillas.

On the days that I walk in to see the chicken pot pie on the specials board I get all excited. I mean, just look at it:


When I was a kid, chicken pot pie was right out of the freezer and after an eternity in the oven the first bite would burn the roof of my mouth while the rest of it was still frozen. The Brother Jon's version is quite a bit better. I've only successfully finished it once out of 3 attempts but will get it every time its offered.

Another special that I've had the pleasure of destroying was the sweet hot pulled pork covered in cheese. Messy sucker but very good and just look at the portions.


Basically you can't go wrong with anything on the menu or anything offered for as a special.

And of course don't forget the $2 PBR tall boys. I've been on a PBR kick lately. I use my P-38 Can Opener to pop a vent in the back of the can for easy flow and sprinkle a little salt on top like a Whiskey Tango (military speak for WT - WT being white trash) margarita. Salt on the top of a cheap beer can makes it fancy, high class sippin.

So arm yourself with a P-38 (you civilians can get one at the Military Surplus on 3rd) and next time you're at a WT party where all they have is canned beer, do as I do and pop'n salt that sucker and swill. Just a little tip from your Uncle BOR.
Brother Jon's Public House
1227 NW Galveston Ave.
Bend, OR 97701
541-306-3321
http://brotherjons.com/

OK, a little bonus coverage - The current site is awesome, simply says "Eat me, please." When I was a little kid my parents took us to Philly and we did all the tourist stuff like run up the Museum steps Rocky style and then we went inside to tour the museum. There was this machine that you could put you name onto a commemorative coin as a souvenir. I of course put my name and it stamped "Future BOR" right onto the coin. I was pleased as punch.

My older brother was cracking up as he received his coin. He showed it to me and it read "Eat Me Philly!"

I didn't get it. He got in trouble.

Chili Cook Off 2010 - Bend Oregon

On Saturday The Athletic Club of Bend and Scanlon’s hosted up to 17 restaurants and chefs who cooked up their best chili concoctions. All proceeds donated to the Education Foundation for the Bend La Pine Schools.

Some friends, the Wife, and I made it over to the Athletic Club of Bend for this event and had a great time. After paying the measly $10 per person we were warned to "pace ourselves" but of course I did not. I sampled 16 of the 17 recipes and I really enjoyed about many of them. I applaud all of the restaurants for showing up and helping to raise money for a good foundation.

Jake's had one of the best Pork Verde's amongst the lot. Yeah, Jake's Diner had the best Pork Verde. They also had a sirloin chili that I liked a lot but everyone at our table couldn't stop talking about the verde. Turns out, since he had two, they could only turn in one for judging and it was the verde that went out as their entry.

Zydeco had this white bean and duck ... uh ... stew? I wouldn't classify it as chili but it was very good. They served it with crunchy bread crumbs and topped with crispy duck skin that had been smoked. That skin was insane! So good.

Joolz offered a very unique take on chili and I ended up giving them my vote as my favorite. Elk, chickpeas, a light Feta, tabbouli, and of course...the main attraction of any good chili...Fritos!

I'm joking about Fritos being a key ingredient but damn if I don't love some Chili Cheese Fritos. Not the flavored ones, the plane ones with a scoop of chili over them covered in cheese and a dollop of sour cream.

Pisano's had the most technically sound chili in my mind for a chili competition. No beans, only red sauce and meat. That a boy! He said it was mild but it ended up being one of the spiciest of the bunch. I would gladly have that chili over a dog any day.

Country Catering made a classic chili con carne with smoked brisket and everything was cooked perfectly.

After completely stuffing my face on chili, I passed out on the couch. The Wife made a pot of coffee and then passed out as well while it brewed. Heard one of my friends did the same as soon as he got back to his place. Loved it! What a great Saturday!

Restaurants that participated in the 2010 Chili Throwdown:

Scanlon's - Chef Brad

Zydeco - Chef Steve

28 - Chef Travis

Country Catering - Chef Cody

Joolz - Chef Ramsey

Broken Top - Chef Matt M.

Deschutes Brewery - Chef Matt N.

The Bagel Stop - Chef Dave

Elk Lake Resort - Chef Tony

Jakes Diner - Chef Jim

Parilla Grill - Chef Jeff

Sysco - Chef Kevin

La Rosa - Chef Roberto

El Burrito - Chef Jason

The Oxford - 10 below - Chef Sam

Pisano's - Chef Ed

Lake Creek Lodge - Chef Ann

Taco Bell - Beefy 5 Layer Burrito

Beefy 5 Layer Burrito

Well I didn't even make it a full year since my last visit to Taco Bell. But that Beefy 5 Layer Burrito just looked too good to pass up. I know I should never EVER look at fast food or chain restaurant commercials and think "that looks good" because it NEVER looks like it does on TV or on the menu.

Seriously, why do restaurants put photos of their dishes on their menu's? The only restaurants that can get away with this are Asian restaurants. When I'm looking over a menu and see Gai Prig Prow, Mar Far Chicken, Moo Goo Guy Pan, or Hamachi Kama, I, like my fellow white brethren, have no idea what we're ordering. Asian restaurants get a pass. Everyone else, I know what chicken wings, burgers, burritos and so on look like. If you show me:


Don't deliver this piece of shit:


Taco Bell's photo looks sooooo good. For ONLY $0.89 you get beans, beef, sour cream, shredded cheese, and a secret layer of NACHO cheese. Nacho CHEESE!! That's like when Pizza Hut brilliantly put cheese in the crust and everyone freaked out. Anytime you can stuff more cheese into anything...DO IT.

What pisses me off is that I should have known better. I mean I know that anything I get is NOT going to look like the photo or what I see on TV. But I noticed a menu item called the Cheese Roll-Up - "A warm, soft flour tortilla rolled up with a blend of three real cheeses and melted to perfection." TO PERFECTION!!! I make this appetizer in my microwave and will melt the cheese to perfection every time. It's not rocket surgery.

The Cheese Roll-Up is $0.79. The Beefy 5 Layer Burrito is only TEN CENTS MORE. To add Beans, beef, sour cream, and nacho cheese is only TEN CENTS more. I'm confused. Even a soft taco is $1.29 and it is a smaller tortilla, beef, a sprinkle of shredded cheese and some effing lettuce. I get two more ingredients on this burrito and SAVE money! I should have known. You won this round Taco Bell. Damn you.

You Midwest transplants are going to comment something stupid like "But BOR, how can you bash on great restaurants like Olive Garden and Applebees and yet you'll eat at Taco Bell?"

Well my nascar lovin friend, I am willing to waste $0.89 on a nasty ass burrito knowing what I'm getting into. Taco Bell is gross. We all know that. What I don't like doing is paying $15 and up for an entree of nasty ass burritos or the Italian/Australian wanna be equivalent. I don't like wasting my money on an overpriced deep fried onion or "the best" salad and bread sticks followed by mediocre pasta bowls.

$0.89 for a burrito is worth the risk and gives me something to write about.

Taco Bell
1104 NE 3rd St
Bend, OR 97701
(541) 389-5179

Flatbread Community Oven - Bend Oregon

Flatbread Community Oven

I've written about Flatbread Community Oven before but that was for lunch shortly after their opening. We've tried to go a couple of times since but the place was slammed so we ended up going elsewhere.

Recently we made it to Flatbread Community Oven for some pizza and had a wonderful experience. Upon arrival there were many tables filled and not much in the way of staff. Our waitress, Martha, was cool, calm, and collected in the face of many tables filled with little kids and not much help. However she found the time to take care of everyone and we never had to remind her once for anything we'd asked for.

We ordered some salad and a flatbread to start.

Sea Salt & Parmesan Flatbread with 3 dipping sauces - $7

Italian Salad - Iceberg-Radicchio Blend, Pepperoncini, Salami, Olives, Red Onions
Tomatoes, Mozzarella, with Red Wine Vinaigrette - $10


The salad was great and plentiful. Yeah, I said it, the SALAD was great. Had just the right amount of Mozz to go with the salted pork products. All around a solid salad.

The flatbread was good but I think I'd go with a different one when we go back. We liked the three dipping sauces. We're big fans of dips and sauces. We have 7 different types of hot sauces stalked at all times.

So we had plenty of time to finish our bread and salad before the pizzas arrived. We didn't really notice a big delay in the process but apparently a pizza burnt in the wood fired oven. This means they have to clean out the oven thoroughly so the rest of the pizzas don't get tainted. We didn't know any of this until later.

Our pizzas arrive and of course the Wife got a nasty, veggie covered pizza while I got a proper pie covered in meat.

First up, the Wife's 1/2 Lasagna 1/2 Roasted Chicken Portobello pizza - $14.88. Martha was very clear that they are cool about doing 1/2 anything pizzas and we can basically order whatever the hell we want. Very accommodating and wanted to make sure we knew it.

Roasted Chicken & Portobello - Roasted Chicken, Herbed Portobello, Fire Roasted Tomatoes, Fontina, Garlic, Pesto

Lasagna - Fresh Mozzarella, Ricotta, Prosciutto, Fresh Basil


She really liked the Portobello / Chicken side and only thought the Lasagna side was ok "it wasn't phenomenal". I only tried the Lasagna side cause I'll be damned if I'm going to accept chicken as a pizza topping. UNACCEPTABLE!!!

I liked the Lasagna pizza a lot and would get that on again.

Now for a real pizza, custom built just for me - $16.25. I selected Garlic, Pepperoni (how original), Salami, and 1/2 FCO Formaggio and 1/2 Mozzarella cause I wanted to see if I could even taste the difference.


I liked my pizza a lot and the Wife did as well. The fresh Mozz side of the pie was my favorite, nice and creamy and smooth. Great sauce and nice dough. All in all, a very well done pizza.

So the owner, or who I assumed was the owner, comes over and explains about the burnt pizza and apologizes about the wait. We told her that it was fine and we honestly didn't notice any real delays in service. We had noticed that Martha was the only server for quite a while and mentioned that she did a great job handling everything.

Then the manager comes over and apologizes as well. We noticed that both of them made the rounds to all the tables and did the same. She gave us a couple of coupons for free flatbread upon our next visit which was a nice gesture even though we really didn't think it was warranted.

Also, since we were there on a Tuesday night, it was Toss-Up Tuesday. This means that since we ordered two regular pizza's, they will toss a coin, we call it, and if we get it correct, one of our pizzas is free! Tails never fails! And it didn't fail. So off came the Wife's silly pizza from our bill. Loved it.

I really can't say enough about the excellent customer service and the great dinner that we had at Flatbread Community Oven. I'll gladly visit again any night. And we'll ask to sit in Martha's section anytime.

Time for a rant? OK, this is not really the fault of Flatbread Community Oven's but more for their patrons. Manage your damn kids will you? I've written about Dining Out with Kids before, maybe some parents need a refresher. I understand that FCO is a family friendly environment but come on, don't let your kids wander around and run wild in the damn place. I can't handle this. I sat there and watched a little boy and girl stick their swine flu infested faces inches away from three pizza's waiting to be served.

I watched in terror thinking that one of those pies was for my table but sighed in relief as they were delivered to another group. The kids didnt touch it or sneeze/cough on them or anything but still, they didnt work there, why are they soooo close? Get control of your rugrats and keep them at the table.

At FCO you can get a kid pizza where they even get to build their own by adding the sauce, cheese, and whatever toppings you want (one included) for $4.99 (drink and cookie included). So it makes sense that families would take advantage of this but just show some respect for others and keep your kids at your table.

Flatbread Community Oven
http://www.flatbreadpizza.com/
375 SW Powerhouse Dr # 130
Bend, OR 97702-3436
(541) 728-0600

5 Spice Happy Hour

5 Spice

I already wrote about 5 Spice but the Wife and I wanted to go back to check out their $5 Happy Hour Menu. The Wife and I can't get enough sushi or even Asian food. So when you say that you have sushi rolls for $5 and its from a quality restaurant like 5 Spice makes me want to jump at the chance.

We surveyed the options and opted out of the ridiculous $5 edamame but went for the Assorted Tempura, 5 Spice Beef Satay, Drunken Clams, and Sesame Crusted Lamb w/ Peppercorn Sauce. We also got the Philly Roll and Unagi Roll off of the $5 Happy Sushi menu.




The drunken clams were very good and had a little bit of a bite to them. I'd definitely get the drunken clams again.

The lamb was amazing and well worth the 5 bones. On our first visit and again on this one I thought that it was odd that a fork was available next to a pair of chopsticks. Well when the lamb is placed on a generous scoop of mashed potatoes and gravy, you need a fork. The mashed potatoes were some of the best I've ever had. Get this dish!

The 5 Spice Beef Satay wasn't really what I was expecting. The drawback to the happy hour menu is that there are not descriptions for some of the dishes. As you can see from the photo, the 5 Spice Beef Satay might have been the Filet Mignon Lollipop. I don't know but I wouldn't order this again. It was not worth the $5.

Finally, the sushi rolls. I didn't get a photo of the rolls which is going to hurt me on the credibility of this comment. They are soooo not worth it. A normal Philly Roll or California Roll is $8 (unagi was not listed on the options for rolls on the normal menu). The rolls we received were barely the size of HALF of a normal roll. So instead of $8 for a full roll, you pay $5 for half a roll. LAME. I would definitely NOT recommend the happy hour sushi at this time.

The Wife said that our $5 orders were not enough and we needed something else. She ordered the Fantastic Four Sampler - $18. One each of the following:

Hasu (Lotus) - (Seared ahi tuna wrapped around rice, topped with snow crab and a ginger ponzu sauce)

Kinofuji (Spiketail) - (Avocado wrapped around rice, topped with unagi, tobiko, and unagi sauce)

Sakura (Cherry Blossom) - (Maguro wrapped around rice, topped with tobiko and quail egg)

Momiji (Maple) - (Baked salmon wrapped around rice and topped with spicy scallop and tobiko)


Beautiful presentation and everything was very good. However, $18 was a bit steep for what you get. If you get any of these items by themselves it'll cost you $8 for a pair. So four pieces would only be $16 but I guess I understand the extra work involved to make four singles. Good but I don't think I'd drop another $18. It was great to try all four though.

All in all, I enjoyed getting to try some of the dishes like the Lamb without paying $26 for the entree portion. If you go for Happy Hour, try some of the dishes but avoid the Happy Hour sushi. Man up and get sushi off the regular menu...trust me.

5 Spice Fusion and Sushi Bar
821 NW Wall Street
Bend, OR 97701
Phone: (541) 323-2328
http://www.bend5spice.com/
Hours
Daily 4:00pm-Close
Happy Hours 4:00pm-6:00pm

McRib

Yup, I took a bite of one. It wasn't good.

I pulled up to the drive thru speaker box at the McDonald's and before any pleasantries were exchanged, the voice immediately asked "Would you like to try our McRib?"

Thinking only of you, my loyalest of loyal followers, I responded "Absolutely I would" even though I really didn't. I've never been enticed by the McRib. But since I felt an obligation to you, I went for it. Even though it cost me $3.49 and probably 2 years off my life according to Dr. Oz, I went for it, for you.








Upon opening the box I was slapped in the face by the sweet stench of BBQ. It was overpowering like when I rub all the free samples of cologne out of magazines on my shirt before going out to dinner.

It was drenched in sauce as you can see but I was able to scoop it up and muster up the strength to take a bite. I sunk my teeth into the spongy flesh of form pressed pseudo pork and proceeded to chew. It didn't take much work as the prechewed meat flavored mass was easily ready to be swallowed.

I opened up the pipes and swallowed the bite thinking..."Hell yeah I could do Survivor." Seriously, I don't get it. The McRib is among the top ten most disgusting food items I've ever eaten. I'm pretty finicky but I've eaten some odd things in my day. I've eaten raw Kangaroo, live ants, boogers, edamame, grey tailed squirrel, gator, and more.

I could NOT stomach taking a second bite of this nastiness. You're welcome.

Chicago Style Hot Dogs - Bend Oregon

Chicago Style Hot Dogs and Italian Beef

Since the Hottest Dog up and left me without even a Dear John letter, I've been praying for another hot dog joint to show up. When I heard that Chicago Style Hot Dogs was open in the old Baskin-Robbins spot on 3rd next to the Taco Bell, I got a excited. Then all of the friends that went there told me their opinions and I wasn't so excited.

I heard that it was mediocre at best and the dogs were small. I always listen to my friends but will still go and try it for myself. Sort of what I hope most of you do with my reviews. Just cause I didn't like the dish that I got, doesn't mean you shouldn't try something different yourself. But whatever.

A friend of mine went to Chicago Style Hot Dogs about 45 minutes before I was planning on meeting a different friend for lunch. He said that he'd be amazed if they had one more customer between our visits. He said he was the only one there and the parking lot was empty.

When I arrived, the parking lot was full and only one table of the 5 or 6 tables available was open. My friend ordered the Chicago Dog with chili fries. I went for the Chili Dog and regular fries. With one drink the total was like $13. Dogs are around $4-5 and fries about a buck fiddy.








The chili dog that I ate was good. I'd get it again. From what I know of hot dogs, the dog itself was a pretty good quality dog and the chili was what I expected, chili.

Would I drive to the Chicago Style Hot Dogs location to get a chili dog? Maybe, but not something I'm going to really put on the rotation. More of a craving sort of thing when the beer belly starts kicking. OOOOh he's going to be a soccer playah.

Overall the dogs seem to be slightly better than those you'd find on a street corner or at the ballpark. In their current location, I wonder if they have the product that gets people to seek them out. But I'd rather get a chili dog than that 5 layer burrito from Taco Bell next door.

The fries are not worth the $1.50. They have this machine that cranks out fries to order called the Auto Fry. Unfortunately the Auto Fry is only Auto, they forgot the Fry part. Fries come out like wet noodles. I used a fork to get a few of them as every time I used my hands they were dripping in oil. I ate a couple and called it quits. I wouldn't get the fries again unless they crank up the heat and produce fried fries.

My friend and other friends that have had the Chicago Dog have all said that it was just OK. I personally would never get a hot dog with a salad on top which is why I don't eat hot dogs in Chicago.

Chicago Style Hot Dogs and Italian Beef
1106 Northeast 3rd Street
Bend, OR 97701-4529
(541) 383-3647

old Baskin-Robbins location

5 Spice - Bend Oregon

5 Spice

My Facebook friends have been pestering me to write about 5 Spice. Finally the Wife and I made it over there to test it out. We've heard a couple of opinions from friends that 5 Spice is a bit pricey for what you get. Still, we wanted to see for ourselves.

We walk in and it doesn't look too much different than deep (the previous restaurant) looked aside from the lack of water in the overhead water feature. Even the dishes seemed to be the same as before. But the menu is different while having some of the normal Japanese dishes that you'd expect from a sushi restaurant.

However, since 5 Spice is a Fusion and Sushi Bar, not everything is just your normal sushi restaurant food. Just take a look at the entrees. From what I remember, the entrees ranged from $18 - $26.

Not really wanting to break the bank and not really starving we opted to go with a couple apps, a sushi roll, and some mussels. First we received the Assorted Tempura ($10) and the Fritters ($5).


The tempura batter was light and crispy. It tasted great and with 3 prawns instead of the normal one or two if you're lucky at most places, I was happy with it. The only complaint was that the broccoli was like a flippin tree. I like the broccoli tops, like a healthy version of the muffin top. I ended up cutting each broccoli branch into three sections in order to eat it like a normal person.

The fritters were good and a cute presentation for only 5 bucks. The Wife also enjoyed the Asian slaw that they were on top of. Kind of a nice palate cleanser.

Up next, the Rainbow Roll ($12)- Snow crab, avocado, cucumber, topped with assorted fish:


The sushi was good. Nice cuts of Nigiri across the top of the roll. We liked it.

The best deal of the night had to have been the 6 mussels for $8. Even Mio charges $3.95 a pair. I liked these a lot and would definitely get them again.


We enjoyed our evening and the pace in which everything arrived. I can't stand when you place your order and everything arrives at once. There's no room for the over sized plates and hot things are getting cold while the cold stuff is warming to room temp. Eh. At 5 Spice the pace was just right.

So we had 3 drinks (2 of which were mixed bourbon creations from the bartender Brad - check out the big brain on Brad) which were very good and not all girly and sweet. A sin if you ask me when mixing bourbon.

Our bill was $23 for drinks and $35 for the food. Without getting entrees we were still satisfied and ventured over to the Blacksmith for some dessert.

5 Spice Fusion and Sushi Bar
821 NW Wall Street
Bend, OR 97701
Phone: (541) 323-2328
http://www.bend5spice.com/
Hours
Daily 4:00pm-Close
5 Spice Happy Hour 4:00pm-6:00pm

Summit Saloon - Downtowner Menu

Summit Saloon

Now with The Downtowner Menu

One of my biggest complaints of the Downtowner was always the tiny sitting space with huge tables. I've documented this a couple of times. The Downtowner is no longer in its old breeze-way location with the HUGE tables and customers that don't abide by the commonly known rules of not claiming a table before you ordered your food (rude). Instead, the Downtowner Menu lives in the Summit Saloon and Stage. For me, this is a great change. I can find a place to sit, stretch out, and enjoy watching Sportscenter on one of the many tvs while enjoying all that the Downtowner had to offer.

Lately I've been just devouring The Bronx Sub - Grilled turkey breast, capicola, onions, mozzarella cheese & basil pesto mayo on a sub roll for $9.

Nice big sandwich fit for a big fella like myself. Most normal men can't finish this entire sucker in one sitting. Hot turkey and Gabba-Goul, melted Mozz, and the soft hot roll. Freakin fantastic!

The only thing about the Summit is the consistency. I've had this same sandwich a few times now and each time it was different. Once it came without the cheese, once without the mayo. It's still a great sandwich.

You might have noticed the little cup of Mom's mustard in the photo. I highly recommend adding it to everything. Even if you don't put it on the sandwich, you can drink it straight like after Newman chokes down that sprig of broccoli in the Kenny Rodgers Chicken episode. Vial Weed!!!

The Summit Saloon
125 NW Oregon Ave
Bend, OR 97701
541.749.2440
http://www.summitsaloon.com/