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I has comentz!!

In the spirit of giving, today I'd like to try and give my readers what they want. Every time I go off on commentors or stupid emails that I receive, my traffic soars. Like this one. So for today, I'm going to do my best to give you want you want and rant on some stupid comments.

I try not to discuss service too much as every one's experience is going to be different. I've had great service at many restaurants in Bend. Personally I think service in Bend on average has come up a ton compared to 5 years ago. It's pretty rare that I have a bad experience. I'm pretty easy going as a customer. But man, some of the comments I get are funny to me.

I rarely will publish a comment that I receive about service because this blog is not about your experiences, it's about mine. Some comments are totally from restaurant owners that are either glowing compliments about their own place or just bashing another restaurant. Many times these comments don't get published here, I let them get published on other sites. Anyway, enjoy!

"Last time I went there, the place smelled like a wet dog. The food was greasy beyond the point of enjoyment. I ordered a panang curry dish, and still had to pay extra for the rice! Go to restaurant name instead. Much better atmosphere, much better food."

Had to pay for rice?!?! The hell you say! What is that, like a dollar? Calm the hell down.

If the place smelled like wet dog, why would you stick around and eat there? If I go into a restaurant that smells like ass, I'm probably not going to enjoy myself. How about going somewhere else? I bet a lot of places smell like wet dog to you. If you take your coat into the dry cleaners, I bet you will notice that a lot of places don't smell like wet dog anymore.

"The food was good, but it was the worst service I have ever had. The girl that served us what very very very rude,and there were flies everwhere on the deck. Won't go here again."

Hey dipshit, you're outside! "Stupid SUN! Why are you shining on my food?!?! I hate you and your glowing warmth. How dare you distract me while I hork down my meal outdoors?!?" Flies are gross though. That's why I eat indoors like a normal person.

"I asked for a water refill six times and never got one."

No you didn't. You're a gawd damn liar!

"Wish you were there when I was. I ordered cioppino [nothing I ever had in SF] which contained raw tuna and under-cooked shrimp. I literally barfed. AND to top it off, they wouldn't return my money...oh, I could have selected a replacement meal but I didn't want my husband have to watch me eat nor did I have the time to hire a "taster". This happened in the first month of their existence so maybe things have changed. One thing hasn't...I'll never step foot or into this restaurant again."

When Han Solo blasts Greedo (who never got a shot off) he says "Sorry for the mess" and throws a space buck on the table. When you throw up in restaurants, you some how want to be compensated for it? I would much rather haul out a dead bounty hunter vs mopping up your regurgitated tuna soup.

What I find odd is that you puked, and your husband is still eating. "Something wrong Hun?" I know I wouldn't be hungry if my wife blew chunks all over the table, not again anyway.

Everyone will know who this comment is talking about but I'll remove the name regardless:
"Worst food and dining experience we have had in Bend. We asked for our food to be cooked in olive oil, but we were told the restaurant does not have olive oil -- only butter. So we requested minimal butter be used. One of our dishes was swimming in butter. The waiter was apologetic, and took it back to the kitchen. Next thing we knew, "owner" himself came to our table and started yelling at us, saying that the dish on the table (which we both had been nibbling at) was cooked in the same amount of butter as the one we sent back. He would not stop yelling, so we cancelled the other dish. Never in our lives have we experienced such behavior -- from the owner/chef, no less! The waiter was totally embarassed by this behavior, and apologized again. We will not return. We love Mexican food and are still searching for something great in Bend."

"Cooked in Olive Oil" - I didn't know this was an option. "Yeah, I'll have the french fries but can you deep fry them in syrup instead of oil? Mmmkay, thanks." You say that you're still looking for great Mexican in Bend. I think you misunderstand what Mexican food is, I think you're looking for Italian food. Eye-Tahl-YUN. Give it a try, I think you'll like it.

"terrible service"

That's it? I spend half my work day writing this review and you spend point three seconds submitting that shit? You spent more time typing in the damn security code in order to submit your comment than you did on comming up with a creative retort. Bring something to the party, pal.

"I recently went there and the whole place SUCKS BIG TIME. The service is NOT good, the food is NOT worth the price you pay for, the eating area was NOT cleaned properly! Do I need to go on? Felt like I was in some little crappy hole in Tijuana!"

Eating area? Ohhhhh you mean the restaurant. Hold on, I need to go move the car into the Car Holding Area. I like that you ask if you need to go on and then you .... go on. You're one of those "glass is half empty" kind of guys aren't you? If I was in a crappy hole, I would be glad that it is a "little" crappy hole. I mean, I'm in a crappy hole but at least it's little. Could you imagine the stench of a large crappy hole?

No harm in leaving the restaurant name in this one:

Error - Your AOL doesn't allow you to visit this comment. How many emails have you forwarded today? I has comentz. Ahhh such a cute kitty, let me forward this and the Microsoft offer to pay me for all the forwards to all my friends and co-workers. While I have you, I need your urgent assistance. I've never told anyone this but I'm actually the brother of a Federal Officer of Nigeria. My brother and I need your help in transfering a large some of money (like 11 mill) over to the US before it is seized by the Federation and we are offering a 20% to you for you confidence. Simply send me your account number so I can transfer the funds right away. Time is of the essence!

"I went to sushi restaurant for lunch today, and I was less than impressed. Sure it's inexpensive for what you get (I had the lunch combo), but I would rather pay the same price for smaller, better quality servings. The sushi itself wasn't quite as good as the stuff you can get from Fred Meyer's -- sushi restaurant's rice was slightly gummy, rolls lukewarm, wasabi looked like playdough. Worth a try, and it is relatively inexpensive, but when dealing with raw fish I'd rather not eat at the Taco Bell of sushi."

Sorry they couldn't live up to your Fred Meyers sushi pallet. How is the TopRamen brand ramen at Freddy's? I like the beef or oriental flavor.

"My visit to restaurant was bittersweet. It was my birthday and 3 of my friends decided to take me there. We ordered pretty much every small plate on the menu plus each had a beer and probably 2 mojitos each. Needless to say, our tab was up there. At 9:05 pm, our waitress came to see if she could bring us anything else. As we were perusing the dessert menu, she said, "the kitchen is closing so you'll have to order now." Are you serious?? Hopefully that waitress isn't there anymore because the bad taste from that experience has kept me from going back."

I know right?!? I mean where the fuck does she get off telling you that the damn kitchen is closing? The nerve. That bitch needs to be shit-canned and I mean right NOW! How dare they tell you that it's time for you and your drunk ass obnoxious party to hurry the hell up? I mean, it is only their restaurant and you're probably the only patrons left. They need to get back to work or else you're gonna call INS on their asses. I like going into restaurants like 5 minutes before they close and then order a ton of food.

Come on. Really? We're going to get upset about a waitress letting you know that the kitchen is closing and that if you want to stuff some more food in your face that you need to hurry and order. How about if she waited until after the kitchen closed and then had to tell you that you can't get dessert? What's your next action? Taking a dump on the table? No way for the waitress to win in this case. With all those drinks, who drove home? Happy DUI Birthday!

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Two Days of Giving - It is too difficult to give

I don't know how you volunteers and givers out there do it. I tried to give for a few days and couldn't keep my streak alive. Yesterday I gave to Deschutes Brewery. I gave bartenders Shawn and Allison a nice tip. I gave my belly a couple of pints. I gave Best Buy and Ross some money.

I did buy a gift for a giving tree but I'm not going to mention where or for who (or is it whom?). On my way back from lunch and running errands I was about to go to American Red Cross to give blood but I chickened out and feel bad about it. I am deathly afraid of needles. I don't have any piercings or tattoos because of it. I HATE NEEDLES! I'm a wuss.

So I don't have a good post about what I donated to yesterday or today. A couple of you readers sent in recommendations and one of which was food related. Thanks Shawn for alerting me about the Family Kitchen. I emailed the ministry to find out how I can help and haven't heard back. I also am waiting to hear back from COVO.

I'm not giving up but I didn't make my goal of a week's worth of giving. I'm making a resolution to do much much more over the next year. So I'll get back to what I do best (or slightly better than average) and that's writing about what I eat at Bend Oregon Restaurants.

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A Week of Giving - NeighborImpact

Yesterday's post was about the Salvation Army Food Drive. Today's is all about NeighborImpact. I started this blog for a few reasons and none of them were to make money. Don't worry about me, I'm doing just fine. See I got three of my friends to join me in this program that I'm in and they each got three of their friends. They're doing just fine. One of them has two Jeeps, he's doing just fine.

Anyway, I decided that if I'm putting forth the effort to write this great content and become the most awesomest wannabe food critic of the blog-o-world dot net, than I might as well do it for a good cause. And since Google Adwords is easy to add to the blog, I went ahead and did that. I've always said that any money I make from this blog will go to NeighborImpact.

Well, today is that day. I will be better at sending in the money as soon as I get it from Google in the future. So over the last two years of blogging, with you're help, we have raised $672.98!!! That's not nothing. But I was hoping to raise more so since you have all been great about "supporting" my sponsors, with the wife's permission, we are matching the donation. I dropped the check in the mail today. Thank you NeighborImpact for all the help you provide to the citizens of CO, and thanks to the almighty Google for Adsense, and of course to those businesses that sign up for Adwords and paying Google.

Although I can't technically ask you to keep clicking on the Ads because of Google's Terms of Service agreement but it is those clicks that has raised this money. So I fully recommend that you visit my sponsors and purchase items from them.

Thank you everyone for supporting the sponsors and please keep reading. I know you are reading by the comments and emails I receive. I love all the comments that I get (even if I don't publish all of them) and the emails. I love all the rants and the crazies as well as those that have kind words or thank me for whatever reason. Hopefully this economy will turn around so I can keep on eating out as much as I used to (yes, I have cut back).

Sadly, no one has emailed me with ideas of how I can donate or which charities to help out so I guess I'm on my own. I think tomorrow I will give blood. Maybe Thursday I'll go to the sperm bank (totally kidding!). Maybe I'll shovel the neighbor's walk. Maybe I'll buy a quarter of a pig for some family in Africa. Stay tuned to find out what's next.

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A Week of Giving

My goal for this week is to give. I want to have a entire week's worth of posting about giving. I don't have a solid plan so anyone with any ideas of what I can do or which groups I can donate to, please let me know.

I started the week off with taking some food to Coldwell Banker Morris Real Estate for the Salvation Army Food Drive. We were already at Costco and I had the list of recommended items. So while we were weaving in and out people lining up for samples of chili and OJ (have I ranted about how freakin annoying it is that people line up for samples of the stupidest crap and say things like "ooooh what is this, bread? MMMM that sounds nice. I've never had that before." while they leave their over sized cart right in the way of those of us that don't care about a sample of green beans and all we want to do is to shop, leave, and get on with our day? No? I haven't ranted about that yet? I'll try to get to that one day), we collected some soup, mac n cheese, cereal, tuna, salmon and some other stuff.

It was a good start to our day and left us with a warm fuzzy feeling. By the time we dropped off the food, Coldwell Banker Morris Real Estate had already taken an entire truck full of food to the Salvation Army. They said that the food drive had collected enough food for 4 months. That's great!

My next stop is to either drop off or at least get the check in the mail for NeighborImpact. Apparently I have collected money from Google Adwords and I was not aware of it. The money has been direct deposited into a bank account that I never check. Your support of my sponsors (clicking on the Ads) has raised almost $700. I'll write more about that tomorrow.

Please help support COCAAN's Feed the Need Program by:

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Salvation Army Food Drive

I was sent the following announcement about a local food drive going on which benefits the Salvation Army. I like the Salvation Army. I bought the refridgerator which I converted into a Keg-o-rator at our local Salvation Army. The weird thing is, that location seems to be some sort of church instead of the thrift store. I don't know what's going on there.

A while back I developed this weird phobia that if I don't drop at least a coin into the red collection tins with the friendly volunteers ringing the bells, that bad juju will fall upon me. Anyway, please swing by and drop off any donation you can afford.

Coldwell Banker Morris Real Estate, Cascade Disposal, &
Service Master
Community Food Drive
Benefiting The Salvation Army

We are getting close to the end of the road for our food drive. We will be in the parking lot at Coldwell Banker Morris, 486 SW Bluff Dr. on Saturday the 13th, from 9 am– 4pm.

Bring your food donations down Saturday. and see what you have helped us collect!

Most Desired Food Items:

Boxed/Canned dinners (beef stew, chili, mac & cheese, top ramen)

Canned fruits & vegetables

Non-sugar coated cereal, oatmeal

Canned meat (spam,chicken,tuna)

Peanut Butter

Soups (cream & hearty)

Pasta products

Spaghetti sauce

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Restaurant Ramblings

Just me rambling on a Wednesday morning while avoiding my work.

I heard a couple of rumors the other day. One was that Fireside Red was going to close for a few months and the other was that Volo has shut its doors. The first was confirmed by the Bulletin and I don't know for sure about Volo or not.


I also saw that Aloha Cafe has taken over the old 38 Degrees location in NW Crossing. I'll have a new review of Aloha Cafe posted soon.


The wife and I made it over to Sumi's for dinner recently but I forgot my camera. The menu is still pricey but the service and portions have improved greatly. I recommend their daily lunch specials but I can't afford to go there for dinner when Mio Sushi is just a short drive away.


Bend Speedshop Deli is closed for another week or so while Let's Make a Space redesigns the interior to make it a restaurant and lounge. One anonymous tip came in saying that the creator of my beloved Nuke Paste/Pickles/Sauce has pulled out of the restaurant. I don't know for sure if this is accurate as I have not been able to get in touch with the owners. I'd be devastated if I couldn't get my 6 gears of nuke paste anymore.


My favorite personal chef - Sbandati Personal Chef Services is creating and online cheese shop:

"We are now selling the wonderful Italian imports that we cook with to provide our clients with authentic Italian cuisine. These are products that you can only find through Juri. The "Made in Italy" basket is a wonderful gift for a gourmet, cook, cheese enthusiast or lover of all things Italian."

Call 541-610-6278 or email for more information. Of you can email me and I can forward you their PDF file with additional information.


And finally I wanted to post this Anonymous comment that I received last night on my Papa Johns Pizza post. The comment didn't fit the topic so I decided not to publish the comment on that post. Instead, I'll copy and paste it here for all to read. I get shit like this all the time and it never stops cracking me up. I thoroughly enjoy when people assume anything about me after reading a couple of posts.

I can't stress this enough...I don't give a shit about your opinions. I just don't care. I started writing this blog because I was tired of the "reviews" being published two years ago that were complete bullshit. I wanted to write my honest opinion of my personal experiences at the restaurants that I frequent. No one else was doing it at the time. So I take a photo of my meal and I review that meal. I don't review restaurants. I review meals, specific dishes that I've tried.

I do not get compensated to write reviews. I don't get comped to go back multiple times to a restaurant. Just like most of population of Bend, I go to a restaurant and spend my own, semi-hard earned money, and make my opinion of a restaurant based on that experience. Anyway, enough of me. Here's the comment that I received, your comments are welcome:

"Anonymous has left a new comment on your post:

(For Pompous, Cheap, Picky, Want to be food critics/bloggers)

I don't expect you to publish this comment... but would be pleasantly surprised should you choose to. I have a small amount of faith however, since I see some of the negative feedback about your posts is published. I am not normally the type of person to go around making assumptions about people, but... since you choose to be a critic of the work of other people... then so shall I.

First off, I am going to assume you are not in and never have been in the service industry. A person with experience there would most likely not be so judgmental. A few key points (if you'd be so kind):

1. This blog makes you sound cheap. I see that you feel food above the price of $8.00 is spendy. News flash: food cost for businesses isn't what it used to be. My grandpa can't a candy bar for a nickel anymore, and $5 isn't going to get you a New York steak. You probably shouldn't be going out to eat if you can't part with a couple of bucks.

2. Realize that kitchens and servers are tending to the needs of all those other people sitting around you. You're not the only one getting food, you're not the only one getting drinks, and you're not the only waiting a few extra minutes to be seated (maybe after you and your group are done eating... instead of sitting around shooting the breeze, you all should get up and empty some chairs). Why don't you try cooking for 45 people, who are in a hurry to get back to work or have a timely dinner? On top of that, have them be picky about menu items (I don't like_____, hold this, add that, change this, etc). Furthermore, you are expected to do it fast and right the first time. If you don't, I'll go home and spend 20 mins writing about everything you did wrong.

3. Realize, please... these are people waiting on you, pouring your drinks, seating you, cooking your food, and taking your money. People are not perfect. People have off days. Waiters change, cooks change, bartenders, and hosts as well. One bad experience doesn't mean a joint is going down hill & one good experience doesn't mean it's the best place in town. So the next time you and your judgmental friends go out to eat... keep in mind that nobody is following you all to your jobs and complaining about every little misstep and mistake you all are making.

Thank you."

No no, thank you Anonymous! I love receiving these types of comments. I can't wait to read your blog which is dedicated to reviewing my reviews. Then I can comment about your posts about my comments.

"First off, I am going to assume you are not in and never have been in the service industry."

Incorrect assumption. I've been in retail, customer service, in the restaurant (fast food type), as well as served my country.

Point #1 - "This blog makes you sound cheap."

You can say cheap, I say frugal. I want the best quality food for the least amount of money. What's wrong with that? When Decoy sells me 6 wings for $10 when I can get a dozen of wings that taste as good if not better for the same or less money at many other establishments in Bend, I feel I need to make a point of it. Speaking of that tool that drives the white BMW and parks in the first spot out front, you drive like a jackass. I don't like you or your stupid haircut. Slow down.

Points #2 and #3 don't even make sense to me. If you go to a mechanic and get shitty service, you would complain and probably tell all your friends about how bad it was...based on that one experience. If I didn't do my job or did a crappy job, my customers would not work with me. When Tampa Bay's defense lets Carolina run all over them and keeps me out of my FF playoffs, I drop their ass and make a note to not use them next season. If a doctor has a bad day, people die. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall.

If you don't like what I write, don't read it. If you haven't figured it out, I don't care. Thanks for the comment. Keep them comming.

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Papa Johns Pizza - Bend Oregon

Papa Johns

Do you ever get tired of Pizza? I don't. Just like Mexican food, I'd eat pizza daily if the wife would allow it. For delivery I like the Run Little Piggy from Pizza Mondo. For a quick slice I'll go to Cibelli's on the West side then head to my friend's nearby basement for some pong. But I can't just keep writing reviews of Cibelli's and Pizza Mondo. I have to branch out. I do this for you, my loyal readers. All six of you.

So while I was doing chores around the house this weekend, which means I was flipping between the Florida / Alabama game and the Duke / Michigan game as the wife was out running errands. She wont know, she never reads this blog. Anyway, I realized that it was getting late and I hadn't eaten yet. I wanted some pizza but not from the usual spots as I needed something to write about today. So I searched at Google for pizza, bend oregon.

I browse through the listings and decided on Papa Johns. Their website showed that had some specials which seemed quite good. I selected the family special (large speciality pizza and a large 2-topping pizza for only $17.99) thinking that I'd have left overs for a few days. It took about 45 minutes for the pizzas to arrive and I dove right in.

I grab a slice of each and take a bite of the large two topping - pepperoni and pineapple on thin crust. It was dry and only had a few pieces of pineapple. The crust tasted and felt like card board. I wouldn't go thin crust at Papa Johns again.

My second slice was from the large specialty pizza - The Meats - pepperoni, sausage, bacon and ham on regular crust, extra sauce, and cooked well done. I do like that you have options on how you want it cooked. I avoid most national chain pizza places mostly because the pizza is never fully cooked. I hate doughy pie.

The Meats was decent. The extra sauce was a big help and it was cooked well done like I asked. I like pork products and there were plenty on here. The bacon was hiding under the cheese and was pretty good. I'd probably order this one again if I was forced to order Papa Johns again. I'm pretty sure ordering Papa Johns was a one time thing that I wanted to try...just for you guys. I give and give.

I have to give honorable mention to the garlic butter sauce that came with each pizza. That shit is like crack! I dipped my crust in it like cookies in milk. I tried to soak up as much garlic buttery goodness as I could. I went back for another slice and instead of picking the slice with more toppings and less crust, I went for the most crust possible just so I could clog my arteries with more crack butter. I'm hooked. That's how they get you.

Papa Johns
755 NE Greenwood Ave
Bend, OR 97701
(541) 330-3922


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Longboard Louie's - Bend Oregon

Longboard Louie's

Longboard Louie's used to be a weekly stop for me back in the day. It used to be that I could score a Meat, Bean, and Cheese for $4.95. The burritos were big and full of flavor especially when their hot sauce was added to each bite. Now they are just big. The flavors are quite bland and I stopped going.

I was out running errands the other day and needed a quick bite. I called a friend and he said that he was heading to Longboard Louie's for the tortilla soup. I didn't recall tortilla soup on the menu but I was ready to give Longboard Louie's another try.

Arriving before my friend I looked over the menu trying to find something different to try instead of my usual MBC. I noticed the prices have jumped a couple of times. New prices on the printed menu and hand written prices over those on the counter menu. Lame. I ended up with the same old burrito as I always get mainly since it was one of the least expensive items at $6. It was ok. Rather bland but HUGE and hot sauce on every bite helped.

The Tortilla Soup that my friend got was AMAZING! His hairy ass knuckles getting into my photo is not so amazing. It was quite thicker than most other tortilla soups. There wasn't any fresh avocado or any limes for squeezing but other than that, the soup was delicious. Soooo goooood. The soup was full of shredded chicken, melted cheese, black beans and topped with sour cream, onions, and tomatoes. The bowl was massive. It was way too much food for my little friend (who wants the girl with the lip ring to give him a call) to finish. Sorry pal, the photo is only of the soup (and your knuckles) and not of the lip ringed cashier:

They serve the tortillas on the side so you can add them as you like. I liked that as most of the time the tortillas get really soggy and I like them crisp like crackers in my noodle soup. Everyone likes this soup, go get some. One wanna-be foodie type friend "TRE" described the soup as "a melange of Mexico in every bite. Made me feel like I was sitting under a palm tree with a Corona."

My favorite part was that the bowl was only $5 and the cup was only $3...cause I'm cheap. I bought a cup to go. Thought I'd take it home and share with the wife. Sharing is caring...but the wife didn't care about sharing crap with me. I got a couple of bites but she destroyed it. She said it was her new favorite of all the tortilla soups she'd had in Bend. If they keep the prices reasonable and keep the Tortilla Soup on the menu, we'll go back often just for the soup.

Longboard Louie's
1254 NW Galveston Ave
Bend, OR 97701
(541) 383-2449


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Deschutes Brewery

Deschutes Brewery

Deschutes Brewery doesn't seem to be hurting in this economy. There is always a wait for a table and when I grab a spot at the bar I always end up with some inconsiderate chump rubbing his ass on me. Come on man, I was there first, move over!

Deschutes Brewery, or "the pub" as my friends simply refer to it, has revamped their menu again adding some classics back to it. One such classic has become my new favorite dish at Deschutes. The Cuban Pressed Pulled Pork Sandwich ($10.95). Ham, pulled pork, pickle, swiss, and mustard pressed in a hoagie roll.

Now, this photo was taken the second time that I tried this dish and it wasn't that great. Sloppily put together and only one pickle. The consistency at Deschutes and the price of many of the items get to me sometimes. I mean, $15 for meatloaf, come on! Other than that, I'm a big fan.

The pressed pork sandwich was amazing the first and third time that I had it and I'll continue to order it for a while. It has been a great replacement for my normal French Dip. If nothing on the daily specials menu tickles my fancy, I would normally go with the french dip but not anymore. I'm all ham and pulled pork.

Another favorite of mine is the Brewery Cobb Salad. I like to ask for grilled chicken instead of the cold chicken. But even this salad has it's issues with consistency. Sometimes it comes out looking so pretty. Beautiful avocado, crisp bacon, egg, blue cheese all lined up across the crisp greens just waiting for me to devour them all. And then other times it is slopped together and swimming in dressing.

When the A-team is working the line in the kitchen, the food is definitely worth it but I just wish the prices would come down for us struggling locals. I'm already paying $4.25 a pint.

I pitty the fool that charges high prices! Stay in School. Don't do drugs. Eat Mr. T cereal.

Deschutes Brewery & Public House
1044 Bond Street
Bend, OR 97701
(541) 382-9242


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