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I has comentz!!

In the spirit of giving, today I'd like to try and give my readers what they want. Every time I go off on commentors or stupid emails that I receive, my traffic soars. Like this one. So for today, I'm going to do my best to give you want you want and rant on some stupid comments.

I try not to discuss service too much as every one's experience is going to be different. I've had great service at many restaurants in Bend. Personally I think service in Bend on average has come up a ton compared to 5 years ago. It's pretty rare that I have a bad experience. I'm pretty easy going as a customer. But man, some of the comments I get are funny to me.

I rarely will publish a comment that I receive about service because this blog is not about your experiences, it's about mine. Some comments are totally from restaurant owners that are either glowing compliments about their own place or just bashing another restaurant. Many times these comments don't get published here, I let them get published on other sites. Anyway, enjoy!

"Last time I went there, the place smelled like a wet dog. The food was greasy beyond the point of enjoyment. I ordered a panang curry dish, and still had to pay extra for the rice! Go to restaurant name instead. Much better atmosphere, much better food."

Had to pay for rice?!?! The hell you say! What is that, like a dollar? Calm the hell down.

If the place smelled like wet dog, why would you stick around and eat there? If I go into a restaurant that smells like ass, I'm probably not going to enjoy myself. How about going somewhere else? I bet a lot of places smell like wet dog to you. If you take your coat into the dry cleaners, I bet you will notice that a lot of places don't smell like wet dog anymore.

"The food was good, but it was the worst service I have ever had. The girl that served us what very very very rude,and there were flies everwhere on the deck. Won't go here again."

Hey dipshit, you're outside! "Stupid SUN! Why are you shining on my food?!?! I hate you and your glowing warmth. How dare you distract me while I hork down my meal outdoors?!?" Flies are gross though. That's why I eat indoors like a normal person.

"I asked for a water refill six times and never got one."

No you didn't. You're a gawd damn liar!

"Wish you were there when I was. I ordered cioppino [nothing I ever had in SF] which contained raw tuna and under-cooked shrimp. I literally barfed. AND to top it off, they wouldn't return my money...oh, I could have selected a replacement meal but I didn't want my husband have to watch me eat nor did I have the time to hire a "taster". This happened in the first month of their existence so maybe things have changed. One thing hasn't...I'll never step foot or into this restaurant again."

When Han Solo blasts Greedo (who never got a shot off) he says "Sorry for the mess" and throws a space buck on the table. When you throw up in restaurants, you some how want to be compensated for it? I would much rather haul out a dead bounty hunter vs mopping up your regurgitated tuna soup.

What I find odd is that you puked, and your husband is still eating. "Something wrong Hun?" I know I wouldn't be hungry if my wife blew chunks all over the table, not again anyway.

Everyone will know who this comment is talking about but I'll remove the name regardless:
"Worst food and dining experience we have had in Bend. We asked for our food to be cooked in olive oil, but we were told the restaurant does not have olive oil -- only butter. So we requested minimal butter be used. One of our dishes was swimming in butter. The waiter was apologetic, and took it back to the kitchen. Next thing we knew, "owner" himself came to our table and started yelling at us, saying that the dish on the table (which we both had been nibbling at) was cooked in the same amount of butter as the one we sent back. He would not stop yelling, so we cancelled the other dish. Never in our lives have we experienced such behavior -- from the owner/chef, no less! The waiter was totally embarassed by this behavior, and apologized again. We will not return. We love Mexican food and are still searching for something great in Bend."

"Cooked in Olive Oil" - I didn't know this was an option. "Yeah, I'll have the french fries but can you deep fry them in syrup instead of oil? Mmmkay, thanks." You say that you're still looking for great Mexican in Bend. I think you misunderstand what Mexican food is, I think you're looking for Italian food. Eye-Tahl-YUN. Give it a try, I think you'll like it.

"terrible service"

That's it? I spend half my work day writing this review and you spend point three seconds submitting that shit? You spent more time typing in the damn security code in order to submit your comment than you did on comming up with a creative retort. Bring something to the party, pal.

"I recently went there and the whole place SUCKS BIG TIME. The service is NOT good, the food is NOT worth the price you pay for, the eating area was NOT cleaned properly! Do I need to go on? Felt like I was in some little crappy hole in Tijuana!"

Eating area? Ohhhhh you mean the restaurant. Hold on, I need to go move the car into the Car Holding Area. I like that you ask if you need to go on and then you .... go on. You're one of those "glass is half empty" kind of guys aren't you? If I was in a crappy hole, I would be glad that it is a "little" crappy hole. I mean, I'm in a crappy hole but at least it's little. Could you imagine the stench of a large crappy hole?

No harm in leaving the restaurant name in this one:

Error - Your AOL doesn't allow you to visit this comment. How many emails have you forwarded today? I has comentz. Ahhh such a cute kitty, let me forward this and the Microsoft offer to pay me for all the forwards to all my friends and co-workers. While I have you, I need your urgent assistance. I've never told anyone this but I'm actually the brother of a Federal Officer of Nigeria. My brother and I need your help in transfering a large some of money (like 11 mill) over to the US before it is seized by the Federation and we are offering a 20% to you for you confidence. Simply send me your account number so I can transfer the funds right away. Time is of the essence!

"I went to sushi restaurant for lunch today, and I was less than impressed. Sure it's inexpensive for what you get (I had the lunch combo), but I would rather pay the same price for smaller, better quality servings. The sushi itself wasn't quite as good as the stuff you can get from Fred Meyer's -- sushi restaurant's rice was slightly gummy, rolls lukewarm, wasabi looked like playdough. Worth a try, and it is relatively inexpensive, but when dealing with raw fish I'd rather not eat at the Taco Bell of sushi."

Sorry they couldn't live up to your Fred Meyers sushi pallet. How is the TopRamen brand ramen at Freddy's? I like the beef or oriental flavor.

"My visit to restaurant was bittersweet. It was my birthday and 3 of my friends decided to take me there. We ordered pretty much every small plate on the menu plus each had a beer and probably 2 mojitos each. Needless to say, our tab was up there. At 9:05 pm, our waitress came to see if she could bring us anything else. As we were perusing the dessert menu, she said, "the kitchen is closing so you'll have to order now." Are you serious?? Hopefully that waitress isn't there anymore because the bad taste from that experience has kept me from going back."

I know right?!? I mean where the fuck does she get off telling you that the damn kitchen is closing? The nerve. That bitch needs to be shit-canned and I mean right NOW! How dare they tell you that it's time for you and your drunk ass obnoxious party to hurry the hell up? I mean, it is only their restaurant and you're probably the only patrons left. They need to get back to work or else you're gonna call INS on their asses. I like going into restaurants like 5 minutes before they close and then order a ton of food.

Come on. Really? We're going to get upset about a waitress letting you know that the kitchen is closing and that if you want to stuff some more food in your face that you need to hurry and order. How about if she waited until after the kitchen closed and then had to tell you that you can't get dessert? What's your next action? Taking a dump on the table? No way for the waitress to win in this case. With all those drinks, who drove home? Happy DUI Birthday!

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7What? Got something to say?

Anonymous Elizabeth said...

Seriously BOR, when are you going to give up working in lil ole Bend and begin your career writing for Jay, Conan or the Academy Awards Show? Your stuff is a lot better than theirs.

December 18, 2008  
Blogger S.G.Loughlin said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

December 19, 2008  
Blogger S.G.Loughlin said...

Movie quote from Shawshank Redemption + wet dog + wives blowing chunks + morons getting their just desserts = BORed.

And I thought this was a just restaurant review blog.

You've outdone yourself yet again BOR. Keep up the dipshit bashing.

Dating Is Weird

December 19, 2008  
Anonymous kris said...

Tell me about it, BOR!

Because complaining seems to be the norm these days, I refrain unless there's an actual Nightmare on Restaurant Street experience!

Instead, I will seek out the manager and compliment them on their wait staff specifically thanking them for hiring my waiter/waitress, as they had been a delightful accompaniment to the amazing food!

It's so much fun to see the manager's face turn from determined resolve to shock to delight!

There's no better feeling than sharing joy and matter what time of year!

Merry Christmas, BOR!

December 20, 2008  
Blogger Kelly and Kevin said...

Pure Entertainment! I loved reading you comentz! You should do this in Sacramento!

December 22, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear that you refrain from commenting on service. One of my sincerest disappointments dining out in this town is the fact that Service is an underrated skill here. Even the local culinary school ignores it in its curriculum. I have yet to find a restaurant with consistently good service. My favorite recent tale is from an evening at a new establishment in the Old Mill. We were trying to get to a movie, and when I told the waiter that were looking to be out in time for a movie (an hour and a half before the movie) he literally laughed and said "Good Luck with that." Needless to say, we did not make it and due to his lack of effort he did not get much of a tip.

It is possible if the reviewers in this town gave service more attention, owners and managers would begin to take it seriously as they do in other cities.

December 31, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

u haz no new postz

January 04, 2009  

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